Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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