can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
