You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
