i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
