My liver just broke up with me...
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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