People with herpes should wear stickers.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
