Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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