Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
