I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Randomize
