You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Welp...herpes.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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