Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
