friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize