So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
