I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
