im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize