You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I am spending my child support on dildos
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
