Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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