shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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