I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize