You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
