I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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