she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
