I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
