Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
