My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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