If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize