Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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