Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
