I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
