Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
worst night to have a conscience
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
