oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
