Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
