I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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