I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
