Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Randomize
