every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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