Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
