i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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