Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Randomize
