Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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