I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
