I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize