fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
