Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm both gender and math confused
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
