just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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