Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
