I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
