oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
