with your own penis?
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
