This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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