What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
