I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
