Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Acid is not a monday night drug
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
