I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
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