the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
