Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
