Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize