You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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