ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Let's paint friendship bongs
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
