I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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