I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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