I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
