dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
