somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
