Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize