True but thats because hes a fetus.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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