Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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