You smell like stripper and shame
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Randomize
