I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
