You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
