"it" just moved
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
