I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I wish you could order shots online.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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