hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
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