I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
