I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Randomize
