i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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