Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
