Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
