I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
