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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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