when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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