I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
