dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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