saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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